I do my best to stay under the WP radar system. Shhh…they don’t know I’m here. But it’s okay, because i don’t want little things like that to stop me. My first bar magic show, there was one audience member. Word of mouth brought hundreds over time, but there were still nights that I did magic for a handful of people. All in all, if you keep doing what you do and it’s entertaining, some people will come to see it. Some every week, some every once in a while. But they will be there.
I didn’t do magic for money at first, just the gratification of seeing the childlike wonder in the spectators’ eyes. Sometimes it was easier with the handful of people, and sometimes it was more fun when there was only one audience member.
I see blogging the same way. A third space to do some work. A place to get better and hone my writing skills. Sometimes just a few people read, and sometimes the multitudes come out to play. And just like with magic, there are times when it is more fun with just a handful. (Hey – dirty mind!, back to the essay!).
Performing magic like I did made me better, actually turned me into a professional. I don’t make mistakes on the stage (with magic)*, because I learned how to not make mistakes. I learned how to only put my better foot forward. And now, I am learning how to do that with this website.
*I still make mistakes playing live music. I’ve never found a way around it.
I’ll be honest, I don’t yet know WHAT my best material is. I don’t always know how to convey what I want to convey. Hell, I don’t always know who my audience is going to be, and if they will understand what I am trying to say. But this space is exactly for that kind of experimenting. This space is here to make those mistakes, try to say things I’m not sure I’m adequate to say properly. And over time, I have been learning what I can write well, and what I can’t write well.
I wrote in my last post about life experience, getting out there and living life for what it is. What I neglected to mention was that life is all about growing, expanding, opening yourself to new experience. It’s not simply the novelty of unique experiences. If that were the case it would be an empty goal that I fight for every day. It’s the growing that intrigues me. How many things can I be good at? How many can I excel at? What do I suck at? How many sentences can I end with a preposition? Questions like these, I love to ask – but I love even more to answer.
Ahhh, yes. Since we are here, in this very spot right now, I’ll say this once but probably never again – sometimes I’m not happy. Sometimes I’m downright depressed. So in the last paragraph, when I said I fight for the goal every day, that is the truth. Sometimes it’s a struggle. Sometimes I don’t feel like it, don’t feel like moving forward. Sometimes I say, “what’s the big deal? why should I move forward?” It is those times that I work for the “happy-go-lucky Matthew” because even if don’t feel like it, the future me, being happy is ALWAYS glad that I persevered.